“I Write Too Many Songs About You”


“During the same month that “one and only” was spotted on his journal (mere weeks after he wrote JALBOYH) Harry also got the rose tattoo and also tweeted multiple anti-marriage lyrics. It was just pouring out of him. This poor boy couldn’t contain his feelings at the time, having to watch the Zerrie PR circus and being powerless to stop it or tell the world how much he loved Zayn.”


PAGE ONE: Songs 1-3 (2013)

PAGE TWO: Songs 4-7 (2014-2015)

PAGE THREE: Songs 8-13 (2016-2017)

PAGE FOUR: Songs 14-15 (2018-2019)


It is my belief that the vast majority of Harry’s songs (written over the course of the past 10 years) contain lyrical threads that if interpreted properly weave a tapestry, which depicts a long-running affair that consumed his adult life. Call me crazy, but I do. And one lyric he wrote recently seemed to validate my ongoing theories to that end. I love Fine Line so much. It’s. Just. So. Unabashedly. Real.

Yah. This lyric seems to indicate Harry has been writing about this person for much longer than one album (meaning it ain’t about Ms. Rowe.) It is beyond triggering and he delivers it with a spirit of defeat. As though it’s futile to even try to hide the fact that he is writing about this person so obsessively. Although he may feel weak as a result of this admission, there is power in Harry’s vulnerability—and I must admit, for this reason, his music is deliciously fun to unpack.

Now we can all keep beating around the bush, or we can just stfu and face the fact that we know who he is talking about. Rather conclusively, only one person seems to fit all of Harry’s songs on a highly specific level. I’m not just saying that because I want it to be true. The proof is in the pudding and I’ve been trying to demonstrate this fact since I started analyzing their songs. Harry has been rather open about who he loved all along. He has been writing about Zayn since he was 18 years old, but since this is a rather inconvenient fact (when it comes to Zerrie and Zigi and all Harry’s public girlfriends) people choose to ignore it.


The main songs I will discuss (BRIEFLY) to illustrate this theory are:

  1. Happily *
  2. Something Great *
  3. Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart *
  4. Where Do Broken Hearts Go *
  5. Stockholm Syndrome
  6. Someday Maybe
  7. Made In The AM explored here: Track-By-Track
  8. From the Dining Table
  9. Meet Me In The Hallway *
  10. Sweet Creature
  11. Sign Of The Times
  12. Ever Since New York
  13. Not So Typical Love Song *
  14. Golden
  15. Fine Line explored here: Track-By-Track

(*) Indicates I will go a bit more in depth on these select songs.


2013


1 – Happily

“Happily” is where we get our first true taste of Harry’s songwriting skills outside of his group efforts. No other 1D member wrote on this song (or any of the other songs listed above.) Why is “Happily” so important? Well, it’s our first glimpse into the mind of Songwriter Harry Styles, and an introduction to some of the undisclosed things troubling his life at the time.

“Happily” was written for 1D’s 3rd studio album, Midnight Memories. Harry is attributed with having written the song that solidified 1D’s ability to write their own music (not just accepting what was given to them by producers.) Harry was quoted in 2015 saying it was: “the first song that we felt like we had real ownership over.”

You don’t understand, you don’t understand
What you do to me when you hold his hand
We were meant to be but a twist of fate
Made it so you had to walk away

The first verse alone sounds questionable. We see here one of the earliest indications that Harry has been in a relationship with someone who is in another relationship with a third party. The notion that they were “meant to be” shows what Harry felt for them was profound enough to feel pre-destined. He furthers that notion, or maybe even directly contradicts it (a mishap of amateur writing which shows authenticity) when he says “But a twist of fate, made it so we had to walk away.” It would now seem they in fact were not “meant to be.”

Surely “a twist of fate” is a metaphor for circumstances in their lives that precluded their being together. That language interests me because what exactly could’ve taken place to deter their relationship? It certainly provides much license for speculation. What we do know is that Zarry seemed to have a tumultuous on and off again relationship, with all evidence supporting the idea that it began sometime in late 2011 and intensified from there on.

Late 2011

I don’t care what people say when we’re together
You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep
I just want it to be you and I forever
I know you wanna leave
So c’mon baby be with me so happily

“I don’t care what people say when we’re together, you know I want to be the one to hold you when you sleep.” This lyric indicates on some level Harry and his lover feel their relationship might be shunned by the public if they were ever seen together. (Oh you know, sort of like a same sex pairing between male bandmates.) “I just want it to be you and I forever.” Seems to fall in line with the previous lyrics referencing fate and destiny.

If we take this song at face-value and don’t assume it was a story fabricated for creative expression, then Harry seems to be fully gone for this person and believes it is a love worthy of his lifetime. For him to be so moved by this person at that age shows it was not just a fleeting affair.

“I know you want to leave, so c’mon baby be with me so happily.” What we know about this lyric is that Harry is indicating his lover has a desire to leave. Leave what exactly? Certainly he doesn’t mean leave their relationship, since Harry has indicated they already walked away because of a “twist of fate” and his lover is already with another person.

Therefore, this lyric can be taken one of two ways in my opinion. Harry could be indicating that this person wants to leave the relationship with the third party, and so he is inviting them to later come be with him so “happily.” Or Harry could be indicating that this person wants to leave some other situation they are involved with, which could also be interpreted as the band if the song is about Zayn.

There is video evidence of Zayn admitting he always wanted to leave the band from the first year, and that he only stayed for the fans (**cough and Harry cough**) and there is also video evidence of Ed Sheeran mentioning Zayn had left the band multiple times in the past before doing it officially in 2015. I imagine this is a situation Harry struggled with for a while, trying to convince Zayn not to leave.

It’s four a.m. and I know that you’re with him
I wonder if he knows that I touched your skin
And if he feels my traces in your hair
Sorry, love, but I don’t really care

These lyrics show Harry’s unabashed possessiveness, jealousy, and vindictiveness (something that will become a running theme in all of his music; such as in JALBOYH, “Woman,” “Cherry,” and TBSL. I can’t imagine the ferocious state-of-mind one must be in to write lyrics like these, but I think we can all agree it demonstrates just how passionately he felt for this person, so much so that he was willing to be with them while they were in a relationship with another person. Notice anything??? Harry has written songs outlining that exact same dynamic for YEARS, and his torment has only increased. You can even find songs that express a similar sentiment in Fine Line from 2019.


2 – Something Great

This poignant 2013 song is from the same record as “Happily,” and it also lists Harry as the principal writer.

One day you’ll come into my world and say it all
You’ll say we’ll be together even when you’re lost
One day you’ll say these words I’ve thought but never said
You’ll say we’re better off together in our bed

The first lyric that stands out at me is “you’ll say we’ll be together even when you’re lost.” For me this sentiment evokes the idea that Harry’s lover is often conflicted, and that whenever his lover is unsure of himself or at a difficult place in their own life, they tend to shut Harry out.


(Oh gee, none of that sounds familiar at all. That sure doesn’t sound EXACTLY like Zayn trying to maintain an on/off again affair with Harry at his own convenience despite Harry always longing for more, while also being in a long-term relationship with a female public-facing. Oh darn that isn’t the case at all.)


Then I’m struck by this: “You’ll say we’re better off together in our bed.” It seems that despite Harry being unable to be with this person full-time like he desires, he still has an established relationship with them; enough to say “our bed” instead of “my bed.”

I want you here with me like how I pictured it
So I don’t have to keep imagining
Come on, jump out at me, come on, bring everything
Is it too much to ask for something great?

This just shatters my heart, because seeing someone as powerful and desirable as Harry Styles resorting to imagining being with the person he loves because he is being denied a normal relationship is ugh. The way he was so ready to go all-in with Zayn early on speaks volumes. It establishes that he has always longed for the same thing: to be with the person he loves beyond their illicit affair. This seems undeniable.

The script was written and I could not change a thing
I want to rip it all to shreds and start again
One day I’ll come into your world and get it right
I’ll say we’re better off together here tonight

We see the first inklings of Harry’s self-deprecating habit of blaming himself for anything that goes wrong in his relationships, whether it’s true or not. “One day I’ll come into your world and get it right.” He feels obligated to get it right, which means in his head he is the one getting it wrong. This sounds so much like Harry’s fear while writing his first album, where he insists he just didn’t want to get it wrong so he played it safe. It also sounds like his acute performance anxiety during the band days where he would obsess over not messing up to the point where it made him sick and he would vomit before most shows. 🙁 In his mind, it is always up to him to get everything right.

People are so accustomed to Harry being adored that they don’t realize this adoration is hard-won and comes at the cost of a great deal of anxiety. Just like Zayn, he has experienced crippling anxiety that left him physically ill, but he is so passionate about performing that he pushes through it. Remember, Zayn was originally the one poking Harry’s cheek to get him to calm down because his stage fright and fear of messing up was so extreme. It must be a nightmare having to deal with anxiety while the world is insisting you can’t have struggles because you’re white and popular.

Then, the most damning lyric in this verse is “The script was written and I could not change a thing.” Here Harry seems to imply some of the circumstances in his life are beyond his control, and it makes him feel as though he was given a script or a pre-arranged role to fulfill. We certainly see elements of this notion throughout his life in regards to his public image and the direction of his PR (the clean-cut boyband image, limited freedom in fashion choices and hairstyles, the cheesy music assigned to them before they wrote for themselves, the string of fleeting model girlfriends for Harry.) It’s easy to see why he would write a lyric like this, and he even explores some of those same sentiments of playing a scripted role in “Lights Up.”


3 – Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart

This song has a spectacular backstory. Ariana Grande said in an interview (6:18 in the video below) that she met Harry at a studio when he was in LA on tour (Early August 2013) and the producer (Harry’s friend) asked if Harry wanted to write something for Ariana on the spot. Harry did so, and the song was later recorded and released by Ariana on her 2014 album My Everything.

Later in 2017 when Harry was on the first leg of his solo tour, he began covering JALBOYH as a part of his setlist, which would continue into 2018 until the tour ended. Harry was quoted on multiple occasions while introducing the song, admitting that he wrote it and gave it to Ariana, but now he was taking it back because it “meant a lot to him.”

Credit: @harianadimples

Right away I know the lyrics in this song are probably among the rawest and most authentic we have ever gotten from Harry, since it was written on the spot (presumably with no prior conceptualization.) For that reason, I believe it’s safe to assume these are sentiments Harry might have been feeling at the time the song was written, since they were evoked on the spot. And they’re simply too heartfelt and SAD for them to be the result of creative fabrication. We can be assured of that because of all the many songs he has written that are unreleased or ended up in the hands of another artist, he chose to reclaim this particular song from Ariana and add it to his tour setlist.

I personally believe he added songs to his debut album setlist because the songs were all written about the same relationship (and therefore the same person) and he wanted to memorialize them in that way. They all tell integral parts of his music journey, but also the tribulations of his relationship with the love of his life. And I’m positive he was also inspired to sing “Stockholm Syndrome,” “If I Could Fly,” “Anna,” “Medicine,” “Landslide,” “Still The One,” “Girl Crush,” and “The Chain” for that same person as well.

What’s especially significant about the timing of when JALBOYH was written, is that it was during the exact time Zayn got engaged to Perrie (August 2013.) And lord don’t we know at that time Harry was openly anti-Zerrie and abhorred the idea of their engagement. In my mind, it’s clear what impelled Harry to write the lyrics he wrote on a whim that day for Ariana. He was seeking an outlet for these emotions and realized that giving this song to Ariana was the perfect vehicle for him to vent since he could use the correct pronouns to refer to his love triangle with Zayn and Perrie. That’s my theory! The lyrics are straightforward as hell, so I will not dissect them ad nauseum like I usually do with everything else, except to talk about how they are a play on Adele’s “One And Only.”


One day in late 2013, Harry was spotted walking with a rather worn journal, and the internet had the brilliant idea to zoom in on the book to read the text written on the outside of it. Oh boy…

Yes, I hunted down my own proof that the “one and only” text on Harry’s journal was not an edit. It is indeed real.

Type Into Google: Harry Styles In Adelaide (September 22, 2013)

Credit: Alamy Stock Photos. Harry Styles In Adelaide (September 22, 2013)

We know Harry was deep in his feelings about Zayn at this time, and the evidence regarding Zayn’s engagement heavily supports it. It is incontrovertible evidence that he was deeply aggrieved by Zayn’s engagement to Perrie in late August, and the fact that I continue to point this out pisses off people who like to demonize Harry and victimize Zayn at all costs.

During the same month that “one and only” was spotted on his journal (mere weeks after he wrote JALBOYH) Harry also got the rose tattoo and also tweeted multiple anti-marriage lyrics. It was just pouring out of him. This poor boy couldn’t contain his feelings at this time, having to watch the Zerrie PR circus and being powerless to stop it or tell the world how much he loved Zayn.

This is also the month he posted the spraypainted metal box.


I suppose you’re still wondering: what is the significance of Adele’s “One And Only”? I’m glad you asked! Please note the play on words:

This is not just some lyrical coincidence. Harry is alluding to Adele’s song on purpose, and his journal scribblings around this time prove that. He identified with this song so potently that he wrote the lyric on the outside of his journal!

IMPORTANT CONTEXT: Adele’s 2011 song is about her pleading to the person she loves to be given a chance to prove she is worthy of being with them. It is incomprehensively sad! 🙁 THIS SENTIMENT ESSENTIALLY EMBODIES HARRY’S ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY. “I’m hoping someday you’re open. I know that you’re scared because I’m so open.”

He has WANTED to be Zayn’s “One And Only” for so long and was never really given a chance. How many times have I said that? A MILLION. How can Harry cheat on Zayn when he was never given a chance to be with him without other parties involved??

That’s why I have no sympathy for anything Zayn says about being “hurt” when he has always kept Harry in second place and refused to communicate despite Harry begging him to, thereby causing the core issues in their relationship, which affected things like trust, fidelity, honesty, expectations, and both of their mental health.


Harry then went on to beg for even a little piece of Zayn’s heart, mirroring Adele’s bridge where she admits she knows it’s NOT EASY giving up one’s heart. Harry is qualifying Adele’s sentiment by saying he only wants A LITTLE BIT of his heart, because he knows he can’t ever have the whole thing (because of his gender.) Wow. Ouch.

Regardless of what went on behind the scenes, it is perfectly clear from all publicly available information that Zayn has taken Harry’s love for granted for a long time, especially since he HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER PERSON while admittedly trying to keep Harry on the “down-low.”

This idea of Zayn taking Harry’s love for granted is something we can see Harry toy with when he also wrote a lyric from The Thrills “Not For All The Love In The World” on his journal just like “One And Only.”

“She didn’t realize, now that’s a lot of love.”

The Thrills’ song is basically about being rejected by the person you love because they are taking the significance of that love for granted (because they clearly don’t understand love or how valuable it is.)

So, baby, let’s split tonight
I got a tank full of gas to light
Yeah, we could drive for miles and miles

But you just said
“Not for all the love in the world
Oh, not for all the love in the world”
‘Cause she didn’t realize, now, that’s a lot of love
.

Just to make you all more miserable, contrast Harry writing “one and only” on his journal in 2013 after he had written JALBOYH (and after Zayn had got engaged) to him utterly forfeiting this long-fought battle in Fine Line in 2019: “You don’t have to say you love me, you don’t have to say nothing, you don’t have to say you’re mine…” He literally gave up on those things.


The reminder of JALBOYH just stings:

I don’t ever ask you where you’ve been
‘Cause I don’t feel the need to
Know who you’re with
I can’t even think straight
But I can tell
You were just with her
And I’ll still be a fool, ’cause I’m a fool for you

This reveals such a tormenting dynamic that greatly mirrors the lyrics in “Happily.” Harry continues to sit back and watch his lover be with someone else while he is crumbling inside with jealousy, and trying not to give his lover stress about who he’s been with (because he doesn’t want to lose him) and he is happy to play the fool for this person despite how unhappy their escapades make him, because he loves him so much.

So hopefully now you see why I say, to infer Harry cheated on Zayn at anytime in their relationship is to admit that Zayn has been WRONGLY holding Harry to an UNFAIR double standard of fidelity, because we SEE and KNOW Zayn has always done what he wanted with WHO he wanted, even outside of Perrie, Gigi, and Harry.

I don’t ever tell you how I really feel
‘Cause I can’t find the words to say what I mean
And nothing’s ever easy
That’s what they say
I know I’m not your only
I’ll still be a fool
‘Cause I’m a fool for you

“I don’t ever tell you how I really feel, ’cause I can’t find the words to say what I mean…” Here Harry admits to not being able to fully express himself properly because he can’t find the words to do so. I think this can be taken two ways as well:

  1. He struggled to tell Zayn exactly how he felt for him (which is something we know he started to overcome in 2014 during the “Little Things” performances.)
  2. He was afraid to confront Zayn about him being with other people, because he can’t find the words to do so confidently, and likely because he’s afraid he would lose Zayn if he tried to make demands on him. This is why we see Harry capitulate again and again on a level no human being should be forced to if they are actually in a loving relationship, which I feel Harry never was. He was playing the fool for someone, like he himself admits.

I’ll take “Things You Should Never Have To Say To Someone Who Claims They Love You” for $600, Alex:

I know I’m not your only
But at least I’m one
I heard a little love is better than none


PAGE TWO: Songs 4-7 (2014-2015)

49 thoughts on ““I Write Too Many Songs About You”

  1. I love this post, even if it makes my heart hurt.

    Just out of interest did you know Harry seems to have written Fool’s Gold too? Which I think fits in with everything else he’s written as well. I couldn’t find proof of this anywhere other than a tiny piece on Genius https://genius.com/One-direction-fools-gold-lyrics

    It gives everyone in the band writing credits, but if you open up what the artists said about the song but, there’s a para about Jamie Scott and Harry writing it together. Apparently told to MTV.

    Which leads me on to something else. I think I majorly misinterpreted Naill’s part in things. Sorry. I think he’s doing his best to pull Z & H together again. I’ll try and explain and bear with me, I promise I’m not speculating on anything other than Zarry and the friendship between everyone else.

    Z said Niall’s his fave with the best music, which being Zarry af might sound wrong. But Niall’s notably played Fool’s Gold at gigs, going as far as to release a studio version.

    I kept getting thrown for a loop thinking I was getting Fool’s Gold studio version on Spotify but getting This Town, from Flicker I think. The opening is startlingly similar to my ear. Then I saw the lyric video… which has hardly any of the lyrics in it.

    I think it’s about H&Z. The song talks about going back again to the same person, not being able to move on. There is line art with a journal, butterflies and a tree with a bud that blooms into a rose, which then changes to a lotus. I can’t post it here, I’ve tried. Might be because I’m on my phone, but it’s there near the end. https://youtu.be/ic1l36GrNOU

    “If the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you, drive highways and byways to be there with you, over and over the only truth, everything comes back to you”

    There’s no evidence Harry had anything to do with it that I can find, but I can’t explain it. It’s unabashedly romantic and references a long term relationship. Niall said it’s got a double meaning and then sort of fluffed the rest of the answer, saying it’s got that “female aspect”. Again this is in Genius notes about what the artist said https://genius.com/Niall-horan-this-town-lyrics

    I mean I may be cracked. Maybe Zarry broke me, haha. What do you think?

  2. Do you think in HS3 Harry will write about Zayn and what he went through after the fine line? As you explained here, we witnessed him ruthlessly blaming himself for years, even if he wasn’t guilty.

    I want to hear Harry blame him. I want him to tell him what he’s done, what he’s been through. I know it might sound a little selfish but I don’t want Harry to just go through this thing and be alone.With the fine line, we saw how much he desperately wanted to tell. Must keep screaming for his truth even if it’s a rebellion against the love of his life. He shouldn’t let them win

  3. I feel really sad thinking about how much Harry always had and till date has to cope up with those bottled feelings that he can only express through his songs…. If only I could I would want to give him all the happiness in the world but then again idk I just feel like Harry still sees Zayn as his biggest source of happiness… I don’t know if there’s something Zayn can do to gain the forgiveness of Harry(even though I think he never blamed him)… I just hope they both eventually find happiness together or not.

    However, you see I still sometimes feel like there’s something wrong happening with Zayn that compels him to act this way and its not merely about accepting himself or anyone else accepting him, but something deep that perhaps Harry does know about and thus he always comes back. Like, I think I do understand this behavior of deliberately hurting/ignoring loved ones just not to hurt them more, in fact I do the same and I always think like its better to cope with it by myself than ever letting my parents know about it hurt them too, specially if its related to my health. And Zayn’s behavior does make me think it like that, and that’s what making Harry stay. Also, I feel like the songs he writes, some lyrics are especially superficial but I always feel there’s something wrong/ has more than it meets the eyes and perhaps only his “lover” knows about it and that’s Harry. Maybe sometimes even Harry feels like giving it up but after everything he just can’t because just like they say, you would even give up your love just to make them happy but he just can’t, he loves him too much and is always trying to be the better himself…
    Thus, even if the whole situation is messed up, I don’t think there’s anyone who knows them better than themselves and I hope one day(I hope its soon though) they can get past all struggles and reach that point where they realize not only their feelings but sort out all the parts of this puzzle that life has thrown at them to complete… I wish and hope for the very best for them…

  4. Was really interesting Ed Sheeran saying Zayn had been back and forther about leaving ID a few times before the final definite leaving in 2015. Must have finally reached his ability to cope/”had enough” limit and no-one was able to talk him out of that final time so it then became accept/manage/damage control/soldier on situation.

  5. The detail you’ve put into this post is amazing. The fact that his songs are so strongly thematically linked over so many years is both telling and devastating.

    “I write too many songs about you” also makes me think about the part in the interview for HS1 with Nick Grimshaw where Nick is teasing him about Carolina and how Harry hadn’t told the girl he wrote it for that he had written it, and they have this exchange where Nick jokingly says “so someone could be listening to the album and go hang on this songs about me” and Harry says “potentially” and looks kind of nervous https://youtu.be/YRqiOYbzDTo (3 min mark).

    I also really enjoyed how you spent so much time on the songs by other artists that have influenced Harry’s must. My own personal headcanon is that Joni Mitchell is also big influence in Harry’s songs. Her whole Blue album screams Harry talking to Zayn to me and is heartbreaking.
    “Blue
    Songs are like tattoos
    You know I’ve been to sea before
    Crown and anchor me
    Or let me sail away

    Hey, blue
    There is a song for you
    Ink on a pin
    Underneath the skin
    An empty space to fill in”

    “I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
    Want to be the one that you want to see
    I want to knit you a sweater
    Want to write you a love letter
    I want to make you feel better
    I want to make you feel free”

    1. I think you’re absolutely right. I feel he is heavily influenced by Joni as well. I love Joni Mitchell now because of Harry. Remember he tweeted lyrics to her song “My Old Man” when Zayn got engaged? “We don’t need no piece of paper from the city hall.” Harry tends to be very open about the music that inspires him. I enjoyed listening to it all to see the little inspirations that pop up in his music.

    2. Harry mentioned that “Blue” album by her multiple times. And I find it interesting that Zayn has a song called “Blue” as well. “I need somebody to love me Blue.”

      1. And Zayn’s favourite colour is blue right ;)? But actually when someone pointed out that Faith by George Michael is a clear lyrical influence on the songs Blue and Fine Line it clicked a few things that didn’t make sense to me before into place – mainly the cross jewellery and Harry’s cross tattoo and even Only Angel. They use so much coded language to eachother, it’s wild.

  6. After the depth of all these songs and especially the honesty in Fine Line, I was rather disappointed with Nobody is Listening, now don’t get me wrong the songs are great but they look almost superficial and just thirsty in comparison to FL. The closest Z got to being vulnerable was Icarus falls and then he did a 180 degree turn NIL is closer to MOM then IF in terms of openness, honesty and vulnerability of feelings. Zayn needs to win the internal battle otherwise it will harm him alot in the long run and Harry should learn to love himself the way he loves Z

    1. I understand how you feel totally. I was disheartened by NIL as well. Sure it has great music, but it seems so inadequate in terms of it being a response to the issues Harry raised in Fine Line. So it made me believe it wasn’t a response, and that would mean Fine Line didn’t faze Zayn at all. Which is likely the case, seeing as how he got someone pregnant after it was released. It’s just sad. Tightrope was the only song that sounded emotionally coherent (unlike River Road and Calamity imo) and Tightrope also sounded promising, but to what avail?? He is still performing with Gigi for the paps on a weekly basis. That’s literally why I simply gave up on NIL and fell totally out of love with Zayn. And I wholeheartedly agree with you. It’s time for Harry to show himself the same attentive care, concern, and love that he showed Zayn for so long with no reward.

      1. I believe there are some responses to FL in NIL and that there was an honesty in Calamity about things we haven’t heard him talk about as well as a vulnerability in Tightrope.
        But, I just feel like surely he must have more to say, right? Why is he playing it so safe? Am I missing something?

        I think NIL is quite introspective and that’s good but there seemingly has been no change, from what we can see. And everything he’s trying to get across (about zarry imo) is overshadowed by Zigi.
        I get that he feels misunderstood in a lot of ways and I think a lot of people fail terribly at reading him but can you blame them?
        I was hoping there would be a deluxe version (it just feels short for a Z album) or more music videos that would express something. I really want to understand him and I know that there’s more but if he’s not willing to share it then Idk…

        1. I get what you mean, but don’t be too hard or yourself. You’re not missing anything because imo he’s not saying anything or doing anything differently. I agree he should have far more to say (if it were a response to fine line, but I no longer think it is.) It was just Zayn putting out a handful of songs because he knew it was time to do so, and probably wanted to capitalize on the baby hype, but it was an even deader end than Icarus Falls because he did zero promotion and hasn’t spoken about it since.

          It’s in our nature to give him the benefit of the doubt constantly because we love/loved him, but really we have no reason to anymore. A friend told me, when someone shows/tells you again and again who they are, believe them. I no longer am holding onto an imaginary Zayn that wants things to be different or loves Harry at all. Truth be told, he got fake engaged and damaged Harry a lot in 2013, and he had a baby with Gigi after fine line, and he dissed the Grammy’s the first year Harry was nominated and while Harry was the opening act. Those are cardinal sins in my book.

          If we stop giving him the benefit of the doubt just because we want him to be a different or better person than what we are seeing, then we can open our eyes and see Zayn for who he really is. He did the bare minimum with NIL on all accounts with regards to his music career and responding to Fine Line. He puts some vague lyrics in Calamity and River Road and attempts to be alluding to something deeper that the remainder of the album never addresses. It’s like he got bored of the album’s central themes half-way through and fell back onto generic love songs and singing about sex. For me, the only stand out track on that album is Tightrope because it dares to be different and courageous without hiding behind the safety net of sex, self-importance, or “analogies” which I find to be just a lot of vague incoherent thoughts in Calamity and River Road. Zayn never planned to follow up on any of these thoughts, themes, or messages in NIL, imo.

  7. this relationship has become an agony. I’m still here wondering how it could have come to this point. If things had worked out the right way…a couple of another level. who knows what the future will reserve for those two.
    I think now the distance and not being together is good. Harry really has think of himself for a while. And its the same with Zayn, that boy must first fix some things with himself and then, if he really loves Harry in the end i think he’ll be able to get back to him.
    All I want is happiness for both, whether they’re together or not. (The photos from the set..that smile,Harry seems happy. )
    Even though i don’t agree with some of your thoughts , I think you’re really good at analyzing Harry’s song,
    because you can graps the depth inside. Harry gave us so much about him and his feelings, and Fine Line was then a further discovery of his intimacy.You’re trying to repay what he gave us.

    1. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts my dear. I can understand how this relationship has become too painful to follow.

  8. oh.. wow um I just don’t know how to feel, like I want Harry to be happy and just ditch Zayn but at the same time I want them to be together so badly.. AD help me!!!!
    And the amount of pain Harry went through gosh. He is so strong. I think Zayn gone through enough pain too but he got many delusional fans sympathising him so I won’t say anything about him. Time for people to start caring about Harry as well. There I said what I said!!

    1. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts love. I know what you mean, you want Harry to move on, but you know Harry is so gone for Zayn that it’s hard to imagine he can find real happiness outside of Zayn. It just sucks. All we can do is hope for the best.

  9. Harry fell in love with him so mercilessly, it’s heartbreaking to witness. The sheer intensity with which he loves him.. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to then wait for that person to come back to you (maybe because he’s not sure he could ever love anyone else like that? or because he thought they were just meant to be?) And for Z to deny himself this kind of love, I also can’t imagine what he’s battling with in his mind. I feel for them so much.
    The way their art and all these little “coincidences” that we come across over the years will connect them forever is the only solace I can find in this.
    For what their love endured I really wish it would’ve paid off. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have a glimmer of hope for them, even now.

    1. This was beautifully said… I agree with every single word you wrote! I cried reading it! Like a real cry. I too can’t lie, and hope they find their way back.

    2. I feel like the hand on the heart at the Brits was for Zayn. It seemed so pointed and specific. It never ends. I think Zayn loved/loves Harry mercilessly as well. I can barely listen to either of their music at this point. So painful the yearning and the longing and the miscommunication. I know that my thinking Zayn loves Harry is not a popular opinion but I believe it. I believe it is the root of his unhappiness that he cannot be with Harry openly for whatever reason.

      1. I thought the hand on the heart might be for Zayn too. He did it for the grammys as well. It waa quick and subtle.

      2. I agree there is miscommunication and hence miss opportunity to come together to make it work between them.

    3. This is very well said and thank you for sharing it with us. This quote is amazing “Harry fell in love with him so mercilessly…” Gosh that’s beautiful and true.

  10. I know we all hope Harry is moving on, and getting over Zayn, but I dont think so. He wouldn’t be making My Policeman, otherwise. We see him stepping into a Zayn-like role here. So, while he’s not necessarily writing about it right this moment, he’s still reliving it. It’s weird and exceptionally unhealthy. If he needs permission to move on and stop the madness, I wholeheartedly grant it.

    1. I believe Harry is still in love with Zayn from my observations. I wish they would meet each other some where in the middle and make a real go of it. I love both of them and truly hope they can get their act together.

  11. Did you see the air quotes Zayn put around ” … by a girl …” when talking about Stockholm Syndrome just before he said “or by love”. Also interesting Harry talked about developing “a relationship or feelings” where as Zayn used the word “love”. I feel there may be some truth to the not saying “I love you” enough or perhaps very infrequently or maybe not all. People express love in very different ways. There are definitely people who are very sparing with use of the word in “personal” relationships and some people who absolutely need to actually hear the word said to believe/know it is true.

    1. H’s music has always reflecta to me sadness, deep love for someone and pain. But at the same time hope, H always ends up waiting for everything to end well “we will be all right” (Fine Line), In Golden he wants that person to open up so that they can be together. H would wait for this person if he asked for a lifetime as reflected in the poem on his pants by Bode. It breaks my heart.

  12. Wow. It was painful to read. Heartbreaking. I either want them to never, ever, lay eyes on each other again, or I want to lock them in a room together until their souls bleed bare and they find their way back to the beginning.

    1. I know it’s so hard to know how to feel about them these days 🙁 What they had seemed so beautiful, but then in a lot of ways it’s just too painful

  13. Oh wow … to have that level of life experience to express lyrically speaks volumes about Harry himself and the depth of his capacity to love and the intensity of the love he feels for this person he “writes too many songs about …”

    1. Well put my dear. Thank you for reading! I’m shocked at the intensity with which he loves. It’s the stuff of novels

  14. AD I wanted to acknowledge your writing skills and putting all of this information together. It makes me so sad and I usually reread your stuff, but I might need some time on this one. Cute boy, sad songs.

    1. I appreciate you so much thank you! And I understand this one is just heartbreaking. I came to so many harsh realizations while writing it, it was difficult to finish.

  15. My jaw was on the floor when I finished reading. As someone who has followed you for a long time, I knew your opinion on this matter before, even if faintly. But I still can’t hide my astonishment at the fact that you have such a sharp mind. I say this with all sincerity that I admire you.

    And my beautiful Harry… I can’t imagine his pain but I can see it from his honest songs. And I think after all this time he still loves him. What a heartbreaking story..

    1. Wow thanks love! That’s so kind of you to say, and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I know it was very long and drawn out lol. Thank you again! His pain seems too much to endure, and I think you’re right. Despite everything I’m sure he still feels as strongly for Zayn

  16. When you put the history of songs together like this its so emotional. I was crying while reading most of it because you kinda forget about all the meaning behind Harrys songs until you see it described in detail. So heartbreaking and I don’t honestly know how both of them made it through this almost relationship of 10 yrs and after all that they still didn’t end up together, at least that we know of. I really hope Harry is good now. It looks like he is but we’ll have to wait till HS3 I guess. Thanks for this. It was written beautifully.

    1. I appreciate your kind words love. Thanks a million! And I felt the same as you, gathering all the info into one place made it hurt 10x more than before. I can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like for him.

  17. I really enjoy how in-depth your analysis are, I feel like you would definitely win in a debate of Zarry vs Larry because all your point are well thought out and doesn’t have any loose ends. Thanks for the good read.

  18. Love this. His lyrics are just so sad and heartbreaking, he must have went through such sadness and torment, what it feels like to love someone with all your heart when the other person is with someone else, my heart just breaks for him 💔

    1. Agreed it hurt so much going back over all of these songs. Especially JALBOYH when I saw what was written on his journal at that time.

    2. Can’t blame him😭love Rob’s one alot …and mainly self respect… that’s why we say “being a fool do someone”..
      .they more iread your current articlea they more I realize….they are better…on diff paths…..vl it I would be lying if I said I didn’t want them together 😭ik z knows how much H loves him….

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